Last year my life took a major turn. My relationship of 12 years ended – amicable – but nonetheless changed my life as I knew it. I was in new location and lacked my friends and normal sisterhood support group. It was surprising to me how easy I was able to let go of this relationship but I went through many emotions from elation to break down crying. I think the crying came from grief of losing my best friend. Someone I could go to for any issues or moments I wanted to share.
I have embraced living here in San Antonio and have chosen to make the best of it. In doing so, I have made amazing friends, excelled my mountain biking skills and explored new territory. Jumping right into this new life I have allowed myself to rediscover who I am. The exhilaration I feel by living on my own and having my personal freedoms back is something I cannot explain. My whole being feels so light, it feels like I’m living on a cloud.
The way to your purpose isn’t a path; it’s a river. If you have the courage to jump in, it will carry you all by itself. ~ Martha Beck
I have talked about the concept of the river of life and how it’s best to follow the flow. I feel like the last few years of my relationship I was fighting the flow of the river. I knew something was wrong and kept on because we were good. In truth, I wasn’t following my heart and I think my partner was not either. Even though we were not married officially we had been together 12 years and made a commitment to be together. Turns out, our time came to end anyway. Our lives split at the Y and have taken different paths.
In the last few years of the relationship I did not think I had the courage to jump into the river and flow with it. This last year, I jumped in and am now flowing and glowing. Who would have thought that being single and free at 45 would be so fun?
Here are a couple of tips for you to jump in the river and join the flow.
Embracing Change
Our lives, our bodies change daily. If we consistently fight an upstream battle, we are only fighting ourselves. Take a breath, step back and do not get caught up in your emotions. If something upsets you, take 30 minutes or more before responding. Learn to follow or go with the flow, resisting will only make life harder. Find what feels good. Just like a river, our life changes with every breath we take. Challenge yourself to embrace change, and go with the flow of life.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ~Lao Tzu
Bring it to River Speed
When you are in a whitewater river (or a metaphor for life), the water (life) is going to push you downstream into rocks, boulders, trees, etc., whether you paddle or not. Your natural instinct is to paddle faster downriver, but it’s actually counter intuitive to what you need to be doing. You need to stay in control and do not let the river (life) push you around. When you are feeling like you are out of control on the river, similar to when you have anxiety or stressors in your life, you need to bring it to river speed. On the river we do this by back paddling, in life we do this by BREATHING and taking a step back.
When you find yourself breathing hard, your anxiety is building, and you can’t seem to get control. Acknowledge it and don’t give it power. Start by taking a deep, breath accessing your diaphragm. Then another breath, and another until you have calmed yourself down enough to grasp the situation in front of you.
Resisting change can only move you so far. Focus on yourself, and flowing with the river. Embrace the joy of letting go of control. When you do, you’ll find yourself more in control of your life.
Peace be with you this week. Diana
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